Goodbye old friend, until we meet again.

I am not ready.

I am not ready to say goodbye to the arms I would come home to every night.
The arms I would wake up in each morning.
The arms that were my home.
I am not ready to say goodbye to my best friend that I shared more of myself with than I have with anyone else before, even my own self.
My best friend who I laughed with, and cried with, who has seen the best of me and the worst of me.
I am not ready to say goodbye to the memories of far away new places, of nights in binge watching Netflix, of hours spent cuddling and talking, of listening and dancing to you playing piano, of lazy Sundays making omelettes together, of bike rides on the beach, of lunches twice a week, of time spent waiting for you to get home from work, of waking up next to you each morning, of scratching your beard, of kissing your head before I went to work, of running my fingers through your hair, of cooking you dinner, of listening to you ramble about computers, lights, cameras, and speakers, of texting you about the funny things that happened through out the day, of sharing my thoughts, my time, my love, and my life with you.
I am not ready to say goodbye to the future I wanted so badly, my plans of traveling the world with you, of learning and growing with you, of growing old with you, of you being my family, my person, of creating a life, and family of our own.
But that is it, they were my plans that I held dearest to me, but they were not ever yours.
I have always hoped that they would become yours too, but my hopes have not come true and instead they ate away at me, causing me pain each time I realized more and more that we do not want the same.
So as hard as it is, I have to say goodbye to everything I loved and cherished most, to everything I wanted most in my heart and in this world.
I have to say goodbye to the life I had, and thought I would have.
And more than anything I would like to hope that it's only a see you later, and I can say hello to this life again and welcome it back with open arms.
But even if I am not ready I know that I have to say goodbye.
Thank you for the time, for the laughs, for the love, and for the memories.
Thank you for helping me grow, for teaching me, for showing me the most amount of happiness I have ever felt.
I'm sorry for the pain, for the fights, for the hurt, for the mean words.
I will always love you until the end.
Goodbye old friend, until we meet again.


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